Nineteen on the Nineteenth

19 months and counting.  IUI #1 beta is on Wed.  I am hopeful one minute, expecting the worst the next.  After 19 months of BFNs, it's so hard to even imagine a different ending.

We went to H's work holiday party last night.  We got to dress up and go have a really nice dinner (and open bar) and dancing party to celebrate his company's 20th anniversary.  I was sort of looking forward to going, I like his work functions, there are some really great people.  I was even happier when I put on a cocktail dress I haven't worn for a while and it still fit perfectly!  We had a really great time last night!  My feet were killing me by the end of the night, I love dancing and spent a good chunk of the evening out there on the dance floor, getting the party going.  H is not much of a dancer, but I was pleasantly surprised by how often I got him out there (thank you open bar!).  I had a few moments throughout the evening where I was feeling a little queasy, but it didn't last too long.  And strangely for me, I got flushed a few times, like hot flashes.  By the time we got home, and H had enjoyed the open bar (one of us had to!) he was convinced that I am pregnant this cycle.  On one hand, it is so sweet to hear his hopeful optimism, but on the other, if this is yet another BFN, I feel like not only will I be hugely disappointed, he will too.

I am hoping and praying I can make that 19 months PERIOD and ditch the "and counting" part.