Coming out

Of the IF closet, that is.  Last week I was visiting my friend, she has 14 mos twin boys and I'm there almost weekly for a visit.  It was a few days after last cycle's BFFFN (I accidentally hit too many "f"s but figured it's quite appropriate, so I'm leaving it like that) so I was still bouncing back.  She had no idea we were TTC or dealing with IF.  So with very good intentions, she says, "I can't wait for you to have kids and to be a mom" and I just said, "Please don't even say that right now" as my eyes filled with tears.  I think I eluded to the fact that we'd been working on it with no luck and somehow ended the conversation promptly but was sure my secret wasn't a secret anymore.  Then I headed into the tradeshow, and my friend used to work them, so she understood the high stress week it was for me.  Being a good friend, she didn't mention another word about it all week.  So when I saw her this past weekend, after the show, I had a feeling it might come up.  After the boys were in bed and it was just us two, she said, "Ok, I didn't want to say anything with the show but I've been thinking about you since last week and I just have to ask, are you ok?"  To which I replied, "Relatively, I suppose?"  I was actually in a pretty good IF place that night and was able to tell her about things in a logical and rational manner, no tears or sobbing or anything (hey, it just depends on the day, both are foreseeable outcomes!).  I love her, she was very sweet.  She definitely said most of the things fertile people say to infertile people that they think is helpful but just hurts (pregnancy isn't all it's cracked up to be, you can borrow one of mine, etc) but I was in a good head space and I knew she meant well, so I wasn't bothered.  She sent me a very nice text after I left just saying she might not always say the right thing and she knows she can't understand this, but that they're here for me (us) and they love us and if there's anything we need - to laugh, cry, vent, distract - they're here.  It was really awesome, and it's a big step for me - my first friend IRL to know about our IF.  It feels good to have this big secret out of the way, at least with one person who I know loves me and is rooting for me.