A week from hell

I'm emotionally wrought right now so I'm just going to go over some highlights...or lowlights, as it were.  I tested on Tues and got the faintest of faint lines on a FRER.  Some of my favourite ladies were kind enough to look at the picture and they saw it too!  I was nervous, but was cautiously optimistic.  I have never seen anything before, so this was the brightest spot yet in our IF journey.  I spent the next 24 hours hoping and praying with everything I had.  I let myself be happy, I let myself think maybe, maybe it's finally our turn.  I tested on Wed morning, same thing, the line looked about the same.  I was really hoping for a darker line but was headed in for my beta, so I knew we'd find out soon enough (never soon enough!).  Cut to lunch time, I call and the nurse says it's not great, they wanted at least a 7 and I came in at a 5 and I need to come back the next day.  I tried to remain optimistic but also prepare myself.

I tested again this morning and yet again, there is this very faint line, still no darker then before.  I prayed and prayed and went for more b/w.  When I called for my results, she said it wasn't good, things aren't progressing at all, I asked for my number and she said 6.  This is the exact moment my hopes were crushed and the tears just started flowing.  This one has stung more than any other.  I never had the sliver of hope of a faint line, I have never had the thought, I might actually be pregnant before.  It all just feels so overwhelming right now, and I can't even think about starting all over again next week.  I was thisclose, and now nothing.  Thank goodness for our trip tomorrow, never have I needed an escape, a getaway as much as I do right now.  I just want to go somewhere and pretend for a few days that this isn't my life.

It's not my story to share, so I won't go into details but a very, very dear friend is going through something I can't even imagine right now, my heart is breaking for her.  I don't know if you'll even see this, but I'm going to leave it here in case you do.  While I might not be around as much in the coming week, please know that I will be thinking about you and praying for strength, and sending all of my love, Chickin.  I hope you know how very loved you are and that you are not alone, we are here for you.  Sending so much love to you. <3