Friday Frustrations...

You've been warned.

My father is moving out.  It was sort of a joint decision, although my mother is devastated.  But they couldn't keep going the way they were, it was breaking them both down into people I barely recognized.  They both deserve a chance to be happy, and while it breaks my heart that in order to achieve that, they might call it quits for good, no one is happy as it stands right now and this limbo has felt a lot more like hell than purgatory.  My dad isn't buying a place but hopefully renting a room for a few months.  Hopefully this space will be a much needed breather for both of them and they can gain some perspective and decide what they both want, separately.  So while I think this is the best thing right now, it really fucking sucks and that's all I can manage about this right now.

On to the next topic, my cycle.  I was thinking I'm 11DPO today and had an RE appt.  I didn't want to be surprised (it's the control freak in me) so I decided to POAS this morning; BFN, big surprise.  I was a little bummed, I had a shimmer of hope for this cycle, at least we did something new and different, we added the Letrozole and a shit load of b/w and tv u/s - I figured it's probably the best shot we've had yet.  But the realist in me just thought that would all be way too easy, and if you've been reading my blog, you may have noticed that things don't seem to come all that easy.  So with a bummed but ok head space I headed to the RE.  I was just going for b/w but then they decided last minute to throw in the dildo cam too.  I saw Dr. R afterwards and expected him to say call on CD1 or whatever, maybe talk about next cycle.  To my surprise, he said that it didn't look like I actually ovulated.  Pause.  Seriously??  In my 14 cycles of TTC and charting and stuff, I have never not ovulated, never.  And the cycle I take fertility meds, am under the very constant care of an RE, I don't ovulate.  Are you freaking kidding me?!  He said last Friday's b/w (I was 4DPO, or so I thought) my progesterone was quite low making him think I hadn't really O'd.  I am supposed to call at noon to get the results of today's b/w to confirm.  He said if I didn't O then he'll probably give me provera so we can get going with the next cycle.  I am incredibly frustrated by all of this.  I'm way more upset about not Oing than I am about the BFN.  If I didn't O, then the last 11 days that I've been thinking, "Maybe...just maybe" has all been for nothing, we didn't even have a shot this cycle.  Grrrrrr.

Ok, since all I seem to do here is bitch and moan, I finally have one good thing to share so I'm going to end on a positive note.  H and I sealed the deal on my new car this week!  2014 Subaru Forester :D  I am so freaking excited, I get to pick it up Tues!  Come on, Tues!!!  I have loved my Acura, it's been a great car, but it's time to upgrade to a newer, safer, bigger vehicle.

Update:  I just spoke to the nurse who said my progesterone is 5 making them think I *just* O'd, like maybe yesterday or something.  It has been a seriously shitty week (please see bitchfest #1 above) which doesn't exactly get me in the mood, so if I actually just O'd, we have no shot this cycle.  I am really pissed off about all of this.  If there was any doubt I had O'd, they should have kept monitoring me.  Shit, they had me in often enough early on, why stop if you're not absolutely sure.  I can't believe our first medicated cycle a) made me O later than I normally do on my own, when they said the opposite should have happened, and b) and we have no shot!  Our worst cycle in 16 months is when we're with the RE and I'm taking drugs.  If they had indicated there was even a question of O, I would have kept temping, using OPKs and making sure we were having plenty of sex.  Now I've done all of this - drugs and a shit ton of needles and vag cams, for nothing.  Is it an acceptable hour to commence drinking?