Groundhog day and the green monster

In recent months I have given myself the first week of a new cycle off temping.  I tend to O a little later and it's nice to take a break from waking up at 5:30am to take my temperature.  It's the Monday of a long weekend, so tomorrow I will get back at it.  In another week or so, it will be time to start PIAC again.  It feels a bit like groundhog day.

Our appointment is next Friday, which feels like an eternity away.  I know it will be here soon, work ramps up for the next two weeks, so that's bound to help, but today, it feels so far away.  FF predicts FW right around our appt date, and I can't help but hear this tiny little whisper of a voice in my head saying, "Maybe we'll get KU this cycle and won't need to pursue testing and such with the RE!"  Yeah, I know that's stupid, but no matter how many times I tell myself that's not very realistic, I can't totally quiet that faint whisper of hope (or delusion).

There have been quite a few BFPs on TB this week and while I am happy for them (I really am), the jealousy pangs are quite severe at the moment, and that makes me feel like a shitty person.  I genuinely thought I would be one of those people that got their BFP after 3-4 months - now I read those posts and can't help but feel incredibly envious.  I want that so much.  I want to know what it's like to see a second pink line pop up.  I want to know the excitement of a positive test HPT.  I want to tell my husband that we're finally going to expand our family, and not in the 4 legged way.  I want to have no clue what it feels like to struggle to get pregnant.  I want it so much it hurts.  But all I can do right now is wait.  Some Most days this process is just so damn frustrating.