So I have not been holding my breath, but praying nonetheless for our miracle BFP this cycle. I'm 11dpo today. I tested this morning, anything to get out of this scraping and IVF, amirite?? As per usual, one single line staring at me in that mocking way it does - fucker. I didn't honestly believe it would be positive, but damnit, there's always that little voice that whispers, "maybe". So I didn't get out of my scraping, and off to the clinic I went this morning. I unfortunately got Dr. C, guess you can't win 'em all. Anyways, I was pretty anxious, I won't lie. I have a tough time with my anxiety when it comes to new and unknown things, this is true in IF and in my life in general. But as I sat there, naked from the waist down on the table, feeling that sense of panic start to rise and consume me, I made myself take a few deep breaths and tried to calm my mind. Dr. C and my favourite nurse came in to get started. It honestly was not any fun, as I'm sure you can imagine, it's that odd sensation in your uterus, similar to, but no where near as intense as, my SHG was. It was over nice and quick, there was some discomfort, some crampiness, but it really was fine. I am just glad it's over now and I don't have to anticipate and be nervous about it anymore!
Therapist
I wrote a little while ago about taking the step to send that email to the therapist. Well, it didn't go as smoothly as planned. One of the two I emailed never bothered responding, the other one did respond initially, but then seemed to drop off the face of the earth for my two follow up emails. I was losing hope, it took me a lot of googling to try and find someone near by (it will NOT reduce my stress to drive in rush hour, downtown, to get to therapy after work) and who my insurance will cover. Out of the blue, that second therapist emailed me back today, she apparently just got back from vacation. (Ever heard of Out of Office replies??) Anyways, I did it! I made an appt! I will see her on May 27, that's her next available evening appt. I think it will be in and around the time of ER, I'm hoping before so that maybe she can give me some techniques and tools to deal with the anxiety I will no doubt have going into ER. Again, something new, something I've never done, very hospital/surgery-esque - I'm going to be a ball of nerves, no matter how many of my amazing friends reassure me that it's going to be fine (you can still tell me this though!). I consider this a little victory, and I'm proud of myself for doing it. Now I'm nervous about seeing a therapist!
Glad everything went well today. Congrats on making the Dr appointment!
ReplyDeleteGlad everything went well today! Congrats on making the first step to making a therapist appointment! You are a strong, amazing woman but this is not a path that you can travel unscathed. I hope you find therapy helpful
ReplyDeleteGood for you on making that therapist appointment!! I am proud of you...I think you may have convinced me to go to mine next week which I have been wishy-washy about.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes - the ER *will* be fine!! I will continue to tell you that :-) I do completely understand the anxiety about it though. This shit is not fun.
:) You're going to be great, darling!
ReplyDeleteOh Jay, you're doing so great! Sending that email was hard, but making that appointment, that's so so brave. I really hope she can give you some great tools to help you through anxious times.
ReplyDeleteThat's a huge step making an appointment! It takes an incredibly strong person to do that. Best of luck during therapy, I hope that it gives you the help and support that you need.
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