Stressed the fuck out

Mom and Dad, I'm talking to you!

Holy fuckballs, what a very shitty week this has been.  I am emotionally exhausted, thank goodness it's Friday at least.

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and let me tell you, it is mighty heavy.  This shit with my parents is weighing hugely on me, but I'm trying desperately to stay out of it as best I can.  However, it has directly led to another very serious issue, and that is my mom and how she's handling all of this.  I won't downplay it, she's going through a lot right now, but the way she's choosing to deal with it, and not deal with things, is really not ok.  Even though this is my personal blog and no one IRL knows about it, I'm still hesitant to put it all out there, plus I honestly don't have the energy.  At any rate, I took a very difficult first step and have reached out to a couple of my uncles/aunt and my mom's friends (who I have very good relationships with also) to help.  My brother and I are simply not equipped to help her through this, she needs more than we can give her and pretending like this isn't happening is not helping her, it's only potentially causing more harm.  So I'm hopeful that together we can come up with some ideas on how to help her and selfishly, I'm really glad to be starting to feel like this isn't all on me.  I simply cannot handle anymore, so I asked for help.  It was hard and exhausting asking for it, but as I've told my mom, I think this will all get worse before it gets better, but we need to start making some progress at least.  Ok, that's all I can manage for today.

I think I've posted this before, but I need to remind myself of it right now.

I took another big step this week that was also hard for me.  A couple weeks ago I called our insurance to ask about coverage with a psychologist and did some googling and found someone who's not too far from here.  That email draft has been sitting in my "Drafts" folder since then.  Yesterday I finally hit send.  In my email I asked about her experience or knowledge about IF because if I'm going to talk to someone, I would really prefer if they had some background so I don't spend a bunch of time explaining tests, treatments, etc to them.  I haven't heard back yet, and I may need to look for someone else depending on their response to me, but I am proud of myself for hitting the "Send" button at least.

Quick cycle update: I'm 7dpiui, pt2.  With all the drama of this week I've barely been paying attention, which is not good because of the reason, but silver lining is I'm half way through the 2ww I guess?

And if I didn't already think the universe was cruel, a good friend had to go to the hospital yesterday because of some serious complications with her pregnancy.  I am sending all of my love, strength, prayers and well wishes that things turn out well for her and baby.  B, if you're reading this - I love you and Thumper and I am sending so much love your way <3