Where are you???

AF, that is.  CD40/15DPO, mind officially fucked with.  I have still just been having on and off spotting, but that's it.  So with no AF this morning, I got up and tested - BFN.  The RE wanted me in today if I hadn't got AF yet, so I went for b/w this morning.  The nurse who always does it was a little rushed and it ended up hurting way more than it usually does.  Off to a good start!  They said I could call at lunch for the results.  I have been resolved to this cycle being a wash for weeks now, but this is dragging out and making me nuts.  15DPO - that's a first!  And although I was mentally prepared for moving on to the next cycle, this tiny voice kept saying, "maybe, just maybe".  People spot during first trimester, right?  Man, I'm an idiot.  Anyways, I just called to get my results and the receptionist put me on hold.  My hands literally started shaking and that stupid little voice just whispered, "Maybe".  That didn't last long, the nurse got on the phone, said sorry but it was a negative today, come in on CD3.  I get it, I'm not pregnant.  Pee test and blood test have confirmed that.  Ok, so let's just freakin' move on already!!!  AF, just show the fuck up already, you're killing me here!