So I Have a Blog...

Well, this is new to me, apparently I'm a blogger.  We just started cycle 11 and I realized that I really just need an outlet.  I've been reading some fellow bumpies blogs and decided, since my handwriting is atrocious and I'm more of a digital girl anyways, this might be a good option.  Let me start at the beginning.

We decided in June of 2012 to pull the goalie and wing it, but within a month, my neurotic tendencies took over and I realized I wanted to have as much information as possible.  Thank goodness I found The Bump, those ladies schooled me in all things TTC!  I began charting with FF and could not be happier to have at least some measure of control or knowledge about what's happening.  I have always dreamed of being a mom, it's what I want more than anything, and I spent many years taking for granted that when I wanted to have a baby, we'd have a baby.  Little did I know what this process is really like.  I had no idea it can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive, who tells you that?  No one, that's who.  I had no idea the window to get pregnant is so short - there's a lot of waiting involved - I used to think you can get pregnant any time you have unprotected sex (clearly my sex ED was full of useful and accurate information).  I only ever heard the stories about people trying for a few months and then success!  I don't know a single person who has been unable to get pregnant by cycle 11.  I know what you're thinking - there's a good chance I may not know that other people are trying or even struggling, it's just not something that is usually talked about.  Heck, my friends don't know either.  But it still sucks to feel like it happens so easily for everyone but you.

Speaking of not telling people, it's been a struggle for me to keep all of this from my mom.  She is my best friend and we talk about everything....except this.  I have these ideas in my head of how I want to tell her we're expecting and I want the surprise factor, which is one reason we have kept TTC under wraps.  I think I will reconsider if/when we get to the point of going to testing, but for now, I try to cling to this idea that I'll be able to surprise her with the news that I'm pregnant.  And soon, did I mention soon??  

Cycle 11 has hit me really hard, I won't lie, I had a tough time making myself stop crying on CD1.  We are nearing that one year mark, i.e. time for testing, and I can't lie, it's freaking me out.  I have started to look into our insurance to see what would/wouldn't be covered.  H couldn't be more understanding.  He stays optimistic when I can't, he's my rock when I need to cry, he supports my need (yes, need) to consumer large amounts of chocolate while giving myself one day to wallow and tell him how much this sucks.  He is an amazing man and I so want to see him as a dad, he will be such a great father.  

Ok, that's my first blogging rant.  CD5 here...have about 2 weeks of waiting to go...so much waiting.